- Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro… I'm... Broda!
- You can do this! but, to be more accurate, you probably can't. You're way out of practice and she's way too hot for you. So remember, it's not about scoring. It's about believing you can do it, even though you probably can't. Go get 'em, tiger!
- It's gonna be legen….. wait for it….. I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!!!
- In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story.
- God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, but I know a lot of girls call out your name because of me.
- Here's the mini-cherry on top of the regular cherry on top of the sundae of awesomeness that is my life.
- Come with me if you want to bang
- I’m sorry… I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
- The point is, marriage is stupid. Every day new 22-year olds go into bars, and call me glass-half-full, but I think they’re getting dumber
- If you can't spot the crazy person on the bus... It's you!
- Whoa baby you're packing snow balls and you breathe smells like a mermaid's fart
- I admire your loyalty. You've had that hairstyle forever. You don't care that it's out of style or that it's been co-opted by the lesbian community. You stick with it.
- Don’t say you’re gonna kill someone in front of airport security. Not cool
- The girl from last night, I took her back to my place, then this morning spun her around a couple of times and sent her walking. She’ll never find her way back and there she is!
- There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated. Breast Implants
Saturday, September 22, 2012